You Know You're Getting Old When....

I have a handful of friends whom I've known for over 20 years. We now live in disparate areas of the country. We don't talk to each other a lot. Usually just a few times a year. But when we talk, it's like we saw each other just yesterday.

Lately, I've become concerned at how the topics of conversations have shifted to health issues. We used to talk about our jobs, politics, whatever. Now, we seem to spend most of our time talking about what ails us.

One friend is suffering from gout. And he has some kind of neurological thing going on. Another one recently had a bout with skin cancer, which has been treated successfully. Another one just had cataract surgery. And my friend Bob informed me today he has been suffering from an enlarged prostate, and he has to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes.

I have been having prostate issues of my own in the last year. Plus, my diverticulitis resulted in having surgery to remove a part of my colon back in December.

What the fuck? Twenty years ago we would have been sitting around talking about getting laid the previous night. We were young lions. Masters of all we surveyed. Prepared to conquer the world. Now, we're talking about prostate shit?

I love my prostate. Since puberty, my prostate has been the center of my universe. It provides the most wonderful pleasure. But now, it's turned on me. Oh, I still have the pleasure, but there's a price to pay where age and prostate mix.

I sense my AARP letter is being prepared as I write this.