sigh :(

I've been in kind of a sad mood this weekend. Just one of those melancholia that come out of nowhere and settle in for a visit.

It started Friday night. I slept most of the day Saturday, and then picked up with the blues again today. I was trying to catch up on my tv today, and it seemed like everything I watched was sad and hit too close to home.

I really went nuts when I stepped on the scales this morning and discovered I had gained about 4 pounds. This was particularly unnerving because I spent all last week eating fucking yogurt and granola and fruit and salad. No sweets. None at all last week. And what was my reward? I gained 4 pounds. I've been very nervous about weight gain since I quit smoking about 3 months ago. So far, I've been able to hold off the weight gain to just a couple of pounds. But then this week I exploded with a four pound gain.

The one bright spot was when I was flirted with at the dog park yesterday. This guy and I exchanged looks in the park. Then I climbed up on a hill and lay down in the grass while Buster played. He came up to me and asked to join me. He sat down in the grass next to me and pretended to read his textbook while he talked with me. We talked about our dogs. He laughed at my cutesy comments. I was lying on my back staring at the clouds, and commented on how I needed to do that more often. He offered to keep an eye on Buster, and me, if I dozed off next to him. There was something odd but reassuring and sexy about the comment. The wind caught my shirt and blew it up. As I was pulling it back down he commented on how thick I was, like a tree, and very hairy. "This guy is flirting with me," I thought. And I needed that. His name was Gary. We lay there in the grass talking for 3 hours, until it got dark. And then I had to leave. I could tell he was waiting for me to ask for his number. But I didn't. I was too timid. So as we were leaving he rubbed my back and said he hoped to see me again. I should have asked for his number.