The World's 3 Biggest Lies

1. "The check's in the mail"
2. "I gave at the office"
3. "I'm only here for chat"

I was perusing the ads on bear411 tonight, and I was absolutely astounded at the number of ads that read something like this: "I met the man of my dreams. I love him more than anything in the world. I would never cheat on him. I'm only here to chat."

Yeah right. "And oh by the way, here's a picture of my big gaping freshly fucked hole."

I'm not judging lifestyle choices when it comes to relationships. I know different scenarios work for different people. But I do know this: If you want to have a truly monogamous relationship, the odds of being successful at that rapidly diminish when you and/or your partner post on sex web sites.

And let's not kid ourselves. Bear411, biggercity, silverdaddies, ad nauseam, are nothing but hook up sites. To say that they are anything but that means you are either crazy, lying, or completely naive.

It always amazes me how gay couples will put themselves right smack dab in the middle of temptation. When the devil tempted Eve, he had to go looking for her, and talk her into sinning. If it had been Adam and Steve in the garden, Steve would have walked by the tree, and without any prompting at all, said "oh what a pretty fruit" and grabbed it and eaten it immediately. Then he would have taken it to Adam, who would have immediately eaten the fruit. And then they would have run off looking for a three-way.

Those of us in the gay community don't need a devil to tempt us. We do just fine putting ourselves in harms way. It always seems like we are more prone to unhealthy choices, whether it be smoking, heavy drinking, burning the candle at both ends, unsafe sex, etc. We're also good at making unhealthy choices in our relationships. We jump into them too fast, we start undermining them, and then we break up. And yes, I'm including myself in this tirade.

There are many different types of gay relationships, from open to closed and everything in between. But, if monogamy is your goal, stay away from the bear websites, please. I was having this discussion with a friend of mine the other day. I told him that the next time I get into a relationship I'm getting rid of all my profiles on all the websites. But then I hedged and said, well maybe I should keep Bear411 to chat with friends. And you know what he said? "Isn't that what Yahoo Messenger is for?" And, you know, he was absolutely right.

So I say to all my monogamous couple friends: get your ass off the computer, thank the good Lord you have what the rest of us are looking for, and go love your man. Your relationship will thank you.