Crazy North Carolina Hillbilly takes a shotgun to a No On Amendment One sign.....

I have a question. If this ignorant hayseed and his wife get a divorce, are they still considered brother and sister?

OK here's a little treat for my chaser fans.....

I've been having some trouble with my cable, so they sent a guy out to fix it on Easter Sunday. He discovered the squirrels had been chewing on the cable, so he had to climb the pole and replace it.

Not of particular interest to me, but I immediately thought "this guy is a chaser's wet dream," so I started snapping some pics.

Yeah, I knew you would like it.

It's late at night. My favorite time of day. The world is asleep, except for me, and I'm sitting here listening to the geckos chirping.

There is a distinct sound in the Houston night. It's all around. Chirping sounds, like birds. When I lived here before, I always thought it was birds chirping. It didn't make a lot of sense, but that's the only thing I could think of. It's a very peaceful sound, and I always liked it.

It was only after I moved away that I learned that the chirping is actually the sound of geckos talking to each other. We have lots of those around here. Some people don't like them. I think they're quite cute. They're totally harmless, and they eat the bugs. I've never seen one inside the house, but occasionally will see one clinging to the wall outside the house.

When I moved away, I really missed that chirping sound at night. Now I'm back, and I get to enjoy it all over again.

Queer Quips......

Ray: "I'm going to Luby's. Do you want anything?"

Freddybear: "No thanks. I'm not very hungry."

Ray: "Are you sure?"

Freddybear: "Well, maybe a piece of chocolate cake if they have it."

Ray: "OK. That all?"

Freddybear: "Maybe an Angus chopped steak."

Ray: "Mashed potatoes and what else?"

Freddybear: "Pinto beans or green beans."

Ray: "Luann or regular?"

Freddybear: "Luann. I'm not very hungry."

Queer Quips.....

Freddybear: "I had to have a prostate exam today. My urologist had to stick his finger up my ass."

Terry: "Isn't that what's known as getting to first base with you?

Another TV hottie I've discovered.....

I've never been a fan of House. I had actually never tried it before. It just didn't seem interesting to me.

Then the other day I watched by accident. My housemate was watching it, and I sat down to watch because there was nothing better to do. Well the show hooked me with the first episode.  Since then, I've been going online to catch up with the episodes I've missed.

There's an added bonus. Another hottie I can drool over.

If you follow the show, you'll recognize him as one of the doctors. His name is Jesse Spencer. He's 33 years old and he's from Melbourne, Australia. Aren't all the hotties on TV from Australia these days?

Not only is he on House, but he also stars in an Australian soap opera, so he's pretty well-known in Australia and even England.

The only black mark is his parents. They are founding members of an ultra right-wing anti-immigration party called Australians Against Further Immigration. That party is now defunct, but they are also active in another right-wing party called One Nation, that fights against multi-culturalism under the guise of saving Australia's identity. Basically these people are Australia's teabaggers.

I hope the apple fell far, far away from the tree as far as Jesse is concerned. I would really hate for all that hotness to be spoiled by the racism of his parents.

Probably the weirdest online chat I've ever received.....

"I was wondering if you had an email __________ or perhaps ____________ about 10 or 15 years ago? I dated a guy who looked a lot like you, and he moved to Houston, and we lost contact. We did a lot of drugs back then so I honestly can't even remember his name. I'm sure you're not him, but I had to take a stab in the dark."

Time for a career change?

So now that my industry has shit me out, it's time to start looking for another job. I'm not so sure I want to give the industry another shot at turning me into Santorum. Perhaps it's time for a career change.

One of the areas I've been thinking about is IT. Yeah, along with 350,000,000 other people, I know. In my previous job, I worked on the IT periphery. It usually involved my doing something in the office while being talked through it on the phone. But I did enjoy it. The other reason I'm interested in IT is because of all the people I know, the only ones who seem to be happy and treated well by their employers are IT people. Everyone else, no matter what industry, seems pretty miserable.

So I did some checking, talked to some friends whose opinion I respect, and finally took a step and talked to a school that trains for certification.

One of my big concerns about IT is my age. It seems that IT is a young man's job. I'm afraid I'll be discriminated against, and I expressed that to the admissions guy. He assured me that, with the right credentials, there would be a place for someone like me in IT. He said the younger crowd has the genius for the craft, but they lack business savvy, common sense, and plain old work ethic. The other three IT people I spoke with said exactly the same thing, so by now I'm feeling a little better about the age issue.

After my personal meeting, he took me, along with another potential student, on a tour of the facility. While we were chatting, the twenty-something aspirant started talking about his academic background. He holds a degree in Sociology from UT, but he never really had any interest in it. He majored in Sociology because he wanted something that would be relatively easy and wouldn't interfere with Track.

Yeah, I think I can do this.

From my cold, dead hands....

We have so many problems in this country, not the least of which is the jobless recovery. But all we've been hearing about from the GOP is abortion, gay marriage, and now Santorum wants to ban porn.

It's no coincidence that the government hasn't really been concerned about jobs since the teabaggers swept into power two years ago. Not one jobs bill has come out of Congress. But they are sure wasting their time on things like reproductive rights.

The next time you're pissed off at somebody, and decide to vote for a whackjob as a protest vote, remember, elections have consequences.

The old white-haired woman with a bouffant driving an old El Camino with a handicapped sticker is smoking one of those long, thin cigarettes, which is code for "Don't Fuck With Me!"

A Tale of Two Texases

Those of us who know Texas know there are actually two Texases, each with its own distinct flavor. 

First there is cosmopolitan, urban Texas, best represented by cities like Houston and Austin.

And then there's everything else.

Why didn't someone tell me that seven years ago?

So this is my dog.

I had to take him to the Vet the other day because he was having some tummy issues. They checked him out and nothing showed up on any tests, so they chalked it up to something he ate not agreeing with him.

Then I heard the dreaded words: "Give him one pill twice a day for ten days." That little sentence always makes me break out in a cold sweat. Does anyone know how hard it is to give a dog a goddamn pill?

I've tried everything. I've tried the pill pockets. I've tried hiding the pills in his food. Nothing works. He basically picks through the food and leaves the pill. It's enough to drive a bear crazy.

So when the Vet noticed that I was breaking out in a cold sweat, she suggested I stick the pill inside a glob of cream cheese. Cream Cheese? Really? It's that easy??

Well it is, in fact, that easy. I went to the store and purchased a block of cream cheese. I stick the pill inside a glob. He loves it. He swallows it down whole without a hint of problem. He gets excited when I pull the pill bottle out. No more running and hiding under the bed.

It's unfortunate that no one told me that little secret seven years ago. It would have saved me a lot of grief.

I picked a shitty day to go to the Galleria....

So anyone who knows Houston knows that traffic can be problematic even on the good days. But traffic is especially heinous when it rains. If there's one area of the city you definitely want to avoid, it's the Galleria. Damn the traffic is bad there even on the best of days.

I decided to go see my chiropractor because my neck was feeling a little tight. The only problem is, he's in the Galleria area. When I called to make the appointment, the receptionist said he could see me at 4:30. Galleria? 4:30? Yuck.

I made the appointment because it was a Friday, and I didn't want to wait through the weekend to see him. But, as soon as I walked out the front door the heavens opened up.

That's OK though, because anyone from Houston knows there are little back ways to get places that allow you to avoid the freeways. I decided to use my back way to get to the Galleria to avoid the West Loop.

Part of my back way is Chimney Rock, and here's what I ran into. Sometimes the best laid plans of mice and men do go awry.

Poor little Kirk Cameron.He feels so oppressed, and wonders why he can't openly share his opinions on social issues without being slandered and accused of hate speech.

It always amazes me that these people will spew the most vile, hateful things about gay people, and then all hurt and "who me?" when we fight back.

Guess what asshole! When you slander millions of LGBT Americans by saying we're unnatural, destructive, and causing the destruction of civilization, THAT IS HATE SPEECH!

Now go back to your little world of end-of-the-world rapture movies and leave us alone please.

OK, this REALLY pisses me off. Nutbag Televangelist Pat Roberston has come out in favor of decriminalizing marijuana nationwide. And he blames those dirty liberals for the harsh drug laws we have today.

What I want this douchebag to explain is this: Why is it that liberal states like California, New York, Massachusetts, and Connecticut HAVE decriminalized marijuana. In California possession has the same legal ramification as a parking ticket. While states like Texas and Arkansas still hold on to draconian penalties for simple possession. Answer that Mr, Robertson.

Wait! WHAT???? Pat Robertson is in favor of decriminalizing marijuana?????? Excuse me for a moment while my head explodes.

Queer Quips......

Joel Olsteen: "Let me tell you about the POWER of YOUR VISION!"

Freddybear: "Let me tell YOU about the power of this remote!"

My Good Deed Of The Day......

So I pulled into this party store in my neighborhood and saw this little poofy white dog walking around in the parking lot, complete with collar and leash dragging behind her. The leash was not a good sign.

It took me several minutes to grab her, and I called the Vet on her tag. They said the dog's name was Aggie, and she belonged to the Kim family in Bellaire. BELLAIRE? That's like 7 to 10 miles due south of me.

Anyway, I called the number they gave me and got voicemail. So I drove Aggie down to Bellaire and dropped her off at the Vet. They promised to reunite her with her family.

This evening Mrs. Kim called me. She was so grateful that I had saved Aggie she offered to come clean my house. I told her that wouldn't be necessary and that I was just glad that Aggie was home.

I guess it is true what they say about me. I may be all crusty and gruff on the outside, but I'm squishy on the inside.

Queer Quips.....

Freddybear: "There's a job with the city I'm thinking about applying for."

Jim: "Yeah?"

Freddybear: "Yeah. It's a PR Director for the Solid Waste Management Department."

Jim: "No shit?"

Freddybear: "Yeah that's the response I was afraid of."

I haven't the heart to tell them they're flying the Chilean flag, not the Texas Lone Star flag......

Texans LOVE their flag. It's everywhere. Probably hanging in more places in Texas than the US flag. Frequently one sees it flying alone, without a US flag. And if there is a US flag, they always install  two flag poles, with the US flag on one and the Texas flag on another, with the Texas flag flying at the same height as the US flag. None of this flying the Texas flag underneath the US flag on a single flag pole. That simply will not do.

I admit I've always preferred the Texas flag over other state flags. Other states clutter up their flags with ugly state seals and a motto in Latin. Not the Texas flag. It's elegant and simple. It's hard to tell the Wisconsin flag from the Michigan flag from the New York flag. But the Texas flag is pretty unmistakable.

Which is why I had to snicker a little when I was driving by a junky old strip shopping center and all the stores had their own Texas flag flying out front. But not this guy. He had the Chilean flag flying. Which may be why the store was out of business and the space up for lease.